Skewed Priorities, or How To Rock Presentations

Before I venture into today's topic of conversation, I'd like to acknowledge & give thanks to the ONE person who left an anonymous comment on one of my blogs. TOO BAD YOU DIDN'T LEAVE A NAME, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE! How I wish I did! I have my suspicions, but then again, it could be someone completely random. Doubtful. Anyway, whoever you are, I love you. A LOT.

So, onto Ditz's daily trials and tribulations, also known as the Ditz has skewed priorities.

(I usually say SKEWERED, but people have informed me that skewering means putting things on a skewer, brochette styles. I thought I was just being cute. Guess not.)

Here's a numbered list (how I love lists!) of the necessary steps needed to rock oral presentations, and, concurrently have the worst priorities on the face of the earth:

1. Instead of reviewing PowerPoint slides made by your team, read Perez Hilton.
2. 2-3 hours prior to presentation, briefly glance at slides. Change some grammar, add some capitals, send back to group renamed so it looks like you did something.
3. Remember: appearance is everything.
4. Take a lengthy shower.
5. Spend a sufficient amount of time in front of the mirror, mentally deciding on what outfit is the most "respectable".
6. Decide respectable is not the way to go. Locate blouses that can't button up around chest area.
7. Focus a solid 30 minutes on hair. Blow dry straight, then set in hot rollers.
8. Finish a can of hairspray. See #3.
9. While hair sets, realize that you're running out of time, and decide to go print out your PowerPoint slides. Notice extra spelling mistakes. Do nothing about them. Ignore stupid windows telling you that the ink is low. That is not your problem today.
10. Change outfit 15 times. See #3.
11. Realize you look more ready to pick up men than present a sales management presentation. Pat yourself on the back.
12. Opt for 4 inch stilettos instead of respectable 2 inch heels. See #3.
13. Realize you haven't gone over your notes in a few days. Do nothing.
14. Ignore the fact that you were supposed to meet your group an hour before class to practice. DIVAS DON'T NEED TO PRACTICE.
15. Saunter into class 5 minutes before presentations begin. Make an entrance. Ungraciously accept compliments from a bitchy girl in the class who you normally ignore.
16. When it's time for your part in the presentation, make sure you stand away from the rest of the group so all eyes are on you. Use your projecting voice. Be gracious and delicious, see #3.

So, what's the moral of the story here? Appearance is everything. I'd rather look good (read: hot) for a presentation than be legitimately prepared. Before you all go off and take my advice to heart, let me just clarify some things: I was completely well-versed in our topic. I am a champion bullshitter and fantastic at oral presentations. Chill on the innuendo jokes here, okay? I've heard them all! I essentially rocked a presentation with minimal effort on the work side.

Anyways, kittens, I think I have to be honest with you. Fashionista extraordinaire, the style vixen herself, miss AnecDitz, did a TEENSY faux-pas ce soir. She wore midnight blue dress pants with black heels. I KNOW, I KNOW. TOTALLY HORRIBLE AND WRONG. Considering how many pairs of shoes I own (today's in-room count: approximately 35. This number does not include the dozens that live in the garage, front closet, vestibule and my trunk.), you'd think that I have a pair of shoes to match midnight blue pants. I do. Technically. Just not ones with closed toe.

Note to self: next time Brown's has a major sale, pick up brown or navy closed-toe pumps. Preferably Michael Kors or Marc Jacobs, but I'm not choosy!

Anyways, my pets, tomorrow potentially brings a field trip to one of my favorite places: Holt Renfrew. I'm SURE I'll have plenty to say about THAT excursion!

Stay stylish!
xoxo