Marky, Can You Hear Me?

Dear Mark Zuckerberg,

Apparently you didn't get my last letter. Apparently we STILL need to talk. No, not about how I sometimes want to marry you. Not about how you REFUSE to be my Facebook friend and DENY our love. I'm over that. Ish. We need to talk about this latest FEATURE you decided to invent/incorporate into my hourly stalking. Mmm hmm. Facebook chat. This letter to you is long overdue. I feel like I should've commented within 15.8 seconds of its arrival. I was slacking.

Listen Marky. I don't love this chat function. I've loved many of your new Facebook features. Really. Some of them, I've even grown to love (hello? Applications?). Here's my beef. I don't like that I have to be ONLINE to see who's online. Where's the INVISIBLE feature? COME ON MARK. I LIVE on appear offline on msn! And another thing. It's such a rip-off of Gmail chat. DIDN'T THINK I'D NOTICE, EH? NOT THIS DITZ. SHE SEES EVERYTHING.

Here's the bottom line, and I think the vast majority of Facebookers feel the same way. There's a reason why certain people are Facebook friends and are not instant messenger friends. Sometimes you just want to casually stalk, without having garbage conversation (you know, the "hey what's up?" "nm, u?" crap). I really liked being an incognito creep. I don't like that if I happen to be online, people that I enjoy stalking (mostly people I barely stalk but felt bad rejecting their friend requests) can SEE ME ONLINE. AND CAN SEND ME MESSAGES. INSTANT ONES. Gross. I like inbox messages.

Mark, fix this. Facebook chat needs serious refining. Get on it.

All my unconditional love, (wait, that's clearly a lie. My love for you is dependent on your fixing of Facebook chat)
Little Miss Ditz

P.S. If you added me, and sent me instant Facebook messages via chat, I would OBVIOUSLY respond. I would even LOVE chat!