Visa, It's Back to Witness Protection For You.

OK. SERIOUSLY.

I have a zillion better things to talk about but before I even get REMOTELY started, let's talk about the anxiety attack I had yesterday afternoon, between 1:30 p.m. and 2:45 p.m.

There were rumors that this gem wasn't really opening. I feared HARDCORE that it was an urban legend and that the emails they were sending me WEREN'T REAL.

THANK GOD I WAS WRONG.

The folks who bring us the elusive Juicy sample sale ACTUALLY opened up an outlet store. I naturally went on opening day. I was overwhelmed for a solid 30 minutes. IT'S THE BEST STORE IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE.

Let's do a walkaround of what this haven has:

• A wall of DENIM. ALL SIZES.
• 1 gigantic table of Juicy track suits. EVERY COLOR IN THE GODDAMN RAINBOW. Terry, fleece, velour. THEY'RE ALL THERE. EVERY. SIZE.
• 1 gigantic table of 1-of-a-kind Juicy sample suits [majority size small- NOT PETITE, but small] - these are more novelty ones.
• 1 table of Ed Hardy and other novelty tshirts.
• 1 table of Vince cashmere and James Perse and other goodies.
• An area for trendy children's clothing.
• A large region of MEN'S stuff. [SEE? I sometimes care for the men!]
• All along one wall, dresses, sportswear, blouses, EVERYTHING.

I DID NOT KNOW WHERE TO START.

The wall of assorted hanged goodies is primarily last season overstock from Abe & Mary's. Like all those delicious cocktail dresses? HALF PRICE.

Prince? Let's go somewhere fancy. I WANT TO GET NEW PARTY DRESSES.

Kittens, this store is out of control. IN A GOOD WAY.

I know you're wondering what I left with. A black terry Juicy suit. Boring, I know. A teal CASHMERE Juicy suit. That's right. CASHMERE. A GLORIOUS Juicy silk printed full mini skirt.

That image is a SCREENCAP of the email they'd sent me. It has the address on it. RUN, DON'T WALK.

They seriously have the most enthusiastic staff I've ever encountered. I had not one, but TWO kittens helping me search for matching cashmere. TWO. AND they were SUPER NICE about it. "Oh, if we come across this color and you're still here, we'll hang onto it for you."

SURE, THEY JUST LOVE WHEN I SPEND MONEY.

Oh, and they're going to be getting in new shipments. Every week.