How To Conquer Second Cup During Study Hours

...And successfully take over two tables.

Scene: Deuxieme Tasse at Parc & Milton
Players: Miss Ditz & Munchkin Kitten

Issue: Crowded coffee house = lack of appropriately sized tables for study/work use.

Solution:

1. Stalk out all potential seats. Tables NOT near power outlets = bad. Tables with uncomfortable chairs = bad.
2. Find a single table with two chairs next to an unwilling neighbor.
3. Make sure you have at least 2 giant bags with you. Laptop and annoyingly large pencil case are bonuses.
4. So are Apple Babas.
5. Shift table away from unfriendly neighbor, stating that you're moving the table so you're not ON TOP OF HER.
6. Ignore her rude glares.
7. Mention casually - and LOUDLY - how much you hope people leave so you can grab their better tables.
8. Notice girls misusing a set of tables. Mention loudly that a second table is NOT a storage unit.
9. Discuss openly the fact that if they don't smarten up and move, you will MAKE THEM MOVE.
10. Smile casually when unfriendly neighbor starts packing up her bags and abandons ship.
11. Throw out her coffee for her.
12. MOVE TABLES TOGETHER. AND. CONQUER.

Moral of the story: if you whine and kvetch obnoxiously enough, you can subtly bully ANYONE into leaving their table and work environment.