Halloweeny Options, Featuring Ditz

It's only Wednesday, and everyone's FAVORITE Pagan holiday is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER, and I have already gone through 7 costume options.

ALL NIXED.

In no particular order, I bring you Ditz's Rejected Halloween 2008 Costumes:

1. Sarah Palin - it's 90% nixed. EVEN THOUGH I AM CLEARLY AS SEXY AS SEXY SARAH, I can't see myself having enough hours in the next two days to master that MAVERICK's brilliant accent.
2. Girl Scout - COMPLETE with inappropriately shaped cookies and a sash with "badges". NOT EVERY COSTUME HAS TO BE SLUTTY.
3. Bee - I wanted a reason to wear that STUPID black and yellow striped tank top that a former friend FORCED me to buy years ago at H&M. It may or may not have the tags still on.
4. Cougar - as in creature of the night, not feline. Some people say it's not socially acceptable to prey on my sister's 12/13 year old male friends. Those people JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT'S COOL.
5. 2 Headed Monster - rejected for bathroom purposes. Duh. I like privacy.
6. Princess - no. I wish.
7. Pregnant Prom Queen - I selfishly wanted a portable stand for martoonis. I don't own any clothes that fit over maternity bellies, and apparently nobody who was recently pregnant bought any maternity dresses. Truth: it might still happen. I have a belly being delivered. I have amazing connections.
8. Shotgun Wedding - I don't want to be jinxed THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
9. Pavarotti & a Margherita Pizza and/or any combination of Large Celebrity & Snack Food - rejected for practical reasons. I am neither large nor snacky.
10. Bristol Palin - similar issues to #7, although this one's incredibly TOPICAL.
11. Retired Playboy Bunny - you know, she was fired because she got knocked up! ANOTHER USE FOR PREGNANCY BELLY.

Relating to All Hallow's Eve, I went to the local Dollar Boutique on Monday, to get accessories [Monday, I was going to be Sarah Palin, but then I changed my mind. 78 times.] for my costume, and I was paying for the following items: a tiara, a recorder (musical instrument, not recording device) and a toy shotgun. The kind elderly lady behind me [NO, SHE DIDN'T TRY TO PUSH IN FRONT OF ME] remarked on my purchases.

"Oh, so you're going as a princess for Halloween? How lovely!"

"Err, not exactly. More like SARAH PALIN. See? I have a shotgun. See? A recorder in case there's a talent competition!!"

[Lady is uneasy]

"Oh. Well... That's... interesting? Have fun!"

Which leads me to believe that she A. thinks I'm a lunatic or B. has no idea who Sarah Palin is.

Correct Answer: C. all of the above.