HAPPY 2009!

HAPPY 2009 KITTENS! A VLOG treat for you all!

Typical

Oh, and by the way, I was convinced I lost my hotel room key this evening.

Just found it.

Underneath my new green clutch [visible in previous post's exhibit C].

I am a DITZASTER.

Lord, Help Me Please

Those of you who follow my Tweets and/or Facebook status updates and/or know my habits and/or my schedule know that tonight is my last night of happy family vacation. I opted to ENJOY my holiday, as opposed to spending my time INDOORS blogging. Sorry. Tanning was HIGH PRIORITY.

Right now, I'm working really hard/hardly working on cramming a week's worth of Forever XXI/21 & Coach outlet shopping into my ONE TEENSY SUITCASE.

It's not going so well.

Photographic evidence:

Exhibit A: Overstuffed suitcase filled with trendy new goodies. Pile of items that still need to go in.

Exhibit B: Shopping bags of items yet to be packed.



Exhibit C: Assorted items on bed that need to be packed. Of note: Ditz loves animal print, namely, leopard; Ditz finally found herself a PEACOCK feathered accessory; Ditz loves reading/is literate; Ditz loves purses (3 on bed, 2+ on floor); Ditz loves stuffed giraffes.



Exhibit D: Community of shoes anxiously awaiting their spot in the suitcase. Patient and beloved Marc Jacobs mouse flats are excited to go home, while charming Louboutins foster anger towards Ditz for being brought and NOT WORN ONCE. [Betsey Johnson slides are indifferent.]

Truth be told, there is a HIGH chance that these shoes aren't coming home with me tomorrow. From the looks of my already heavy bag, there is NO WAY on this planet that they'll fit into my bag. WHAT WAS I THINKING, PACKING 6 PAIRS OF SHOES FOR A 7 DAY TRIP?! WHO DO I THINK I AM, IMELDA MARCOS? [The correct answer here is yes.]

Let us join forces in a small prayer right now:

Dear Lord Upstairs,

Please help me stuff all of my new goodies into my little suitcase. I overpacked, and I am aware that I did NOT need 12 assorted tops and 8 pairs of shorts for such a brief trip. I am also aware that I wore my new white denim shorts at least 3 times, when I could've worn other things. Please don't punish me now. Just figure out a way to get all of my stuff in one bag that doesn't pop.

In addition, I would also greatly appreciate if my flight wasn't delayed tomorrow and that I have an easy time getting through customs. It would be a great shame if they rip apart my bag and make me show them all the lovely things I purchased this week. Wait. No, I love showcasing my new stuff.

Please just make tonight and tomorrow bearable and easy! I WILL BE FOREVER HAPPY!

With plenty of love,
Your Favorite Ditz.

PRESENTS IN THE MAIL = FUN

Once I'm here and killing time...

I mentioned in an earlier post http://theanecditz.blogspot.com/2008/11/who-loves-free-products-me-thats-who.html that I was going to be getting some MASCARA SAMPLES. I half-lied. They DID send me samples, BUT not enough to pass around. 2 weeks ago, I got a DELICIOUS package in the mail.

To refresh your precious kitten memory, Matchstick in Torono uses me [and my blog] for word-of-mouth marketing. This current campaign is for a new Double-Extend mascara, and I got a FUN package in exchange for free promotion.

Inside the box, as you can see, was a giant L'Oreal cosmetic bag, a set of mini brushes, a liquid liner, a palette of eye shadows, two (2) mascaras and some informational pages.

Chill - I gave Momma Ditz the extra mascara.

I'm actually a huge fan of Benefit Bad Gal Lash mascara. I got it in a gift-set from Prince and it's been hard to wean myself off of it and try something new. I've used L'Oreal's OTHER double-ended mascara - i.e. the one where you put on white goop first and then a coat of the black - and I didn't LOVE IT. The original one was WAY too clumpy.

This new one - hitting the Canadian market this month - is FANTASTIC. It's the same concept as the other Double Extend, but this one - DOUBLE EXTENSION BEAUTY TUBES - gives long soft curled lashes.

I'm fairly certain it's priced between $12 - $14, which is reasonable in the mid-range mascara realm.

I know I don't push products THAT OFTEN, but really, if you're in the market for a fresh mascara and don't want to venture out to Sephora or a department store, this one is really worth its weight in feathers.

I give it 6 enthusiastic Ditz Gold Stars. Go and get your Double Extension Beauty Tube! Ditz says so!

Live: Pearson Airport, Gate 151

Things That Suck, Episode 12: "Boo Life"

1. Non-direct flights
2. Flights that leave at 7 a.m. and that require 5 a.m. airport arrivals
3. Flights that get delayed - TWICE
4. Being stuck in Toronto's Pearson airport. SINCE 8:30 A.M.
5. Creepy old ladies talking about how hard it is to nap in an airport and then napping RIGHT BEHIND YOU
6. Not finding anything fun at the Duty Free

So, here I am. Stuck in the airport. My connecting flight down South was SUPPOSED to leave at 12:50 p.m. which was TERRIBLE ENOUGH as is, but has now been delayed to 1:20 p.m. Internet, in these fine establishments, IS NOT FREE. I had to PAY.

I took advantage of my Montreal-Toronto flight and took an hour and eighteen minute nap. I can't even take a little one here, because all the seats HAVE ARM RESTS.

A plane is attached to our gate. My brother just reminded me to NOT GET EXCITED, because it's NOT OURS. OBVIOUSLY NOT.

On a BIZARRE upside, my going through security was mostly uneventful. The Canadian one was a breeze. The guys working FULLY saw that I had a bunch of large bottles AND aerosols inside my carry-on, and DID NOT SAY ANYTHING. However, moving from Toronto to the U.S., they CONFISCATED MY AUSSIE SPRUNCH SPRAY (and Brother's hair goop). The security guy kept SNOOPING and POKING through my bag. NOT GOING TO FIND ANYTHING ELSE GOOD IN THERE, BIG SHOT. JUST SOME LADY-THINGS AND 12 LIP GLOSSES.

I understand tight security and I understand that air-travel is sticky, BUT COME ON. WHAT HARM IS MY SPRUNCH SPRAY DOING BY SITTING IN MY BAG?! Get real!

I'm debating painting my toenails.

I'm also debating hijacking a plane. No, not really.

Places I Would Rather Be:

1. Sleeping
2. Napping
3. Playing Guitar Hero: WORLD TOUR with Prince
4. Anywhere with Prince
5. ON A PLANE TO FLORIDA
6. IN FLORIDA
7. Sleeping

That's me. Hating life, airports and wishing it was snacktime. You can SORT OF see the burnage on my nose and face. You can also see the BRIGHT CHEERY colors of my LuLu Lemon fancy jacket/top combo. Prince said I looked like a grandmother. No, he didn't say that. He DID say that I looked a little TOO Florida. He's right. I am one colorful little peacock.

DITZCATION (Ditz + Vacation, Obviously)

Riddle me this Kittens:

Ditz is sunburnt BEFORE leaving for her HAPPY FAMILY VACATION in Florida.
HOW?

She mistakenly went for pre-sunshine artificial tanning, or as we call it, BRONZAGE.

Ditz is far from bronze. MORE LIKE A CHERRY RED LOBSTER.

LOBSTER DITZ. Amazing.

That being said, I am in the process of syncing my iPod, debating which color to paint my toes, making endless lists of what I have to arrange before I leave my homebase at 4:30 a.m. I am SEMI thrilled to be going [i.e. toasty weather, fun USA shopping, NO SNOW, USA portion control in restaurants...] but am also MOSTLY UNTHRILLED [i.e. no Prince for a week, 24/7 Family Time, lights out/curfew rules from my BROTHER...]. It's one week. I'll deal.

I AM bringing my technical equipment with me, south of the border. I can guarantee I'll have what to say.

I am - as some of you may know - working on getting my next VLOG up and running. It's unsually large and I'm having a mighty ROUGH time getting it online. Be patient!

For those kittens unwillingly stuck in SNOW, MY APOLOGIES.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FRIENDLY KITTENS!

Uber-Chic or Super-Freak?

I just had a lovely Winners outing with Momma-Ditz & the Kiddo herself. [No, I didn't buy anything.]

On the way out, Kiddo pointed out a lovely older lady WEARING THE EXACT SAME GLASSES AS ME.

I just JUST got a new pair of frames. I terrorized Momma-Ditz at the glasses store, easily picking THE most expensive frames possible. I thought I was super chic and extra classy.

JUST ABOUT AS CLASSY AS A 75+ YEAR OLD LADY. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

We always knew I was older beyond my years. I just never thought it was FIFTY (50) YEARS OLDER.

Whatever. I happen to love my leopard print bejeweled lunettes. LEOPARD IS TIMELESS.

Ditz's Workplace Craft Show

Episode 1: Holiday Party Centerpieces.

Ditz volunteered to be on her office's Holiday Party Planning Committee. Obviously. Ditz, in her infinite wisdom, volunteered to be in charge of DECOR and ACCESSORIES. As a result, Ditz got to spend an afternoon shopping online at www.partymart.com for FUN party favors, a morning at the local dollar store "shopping" for items to use as centerpieces, an hour assembling candy mini-gift bags (250+) and a few hours making these centerpieces.



I happen to think I have a future in the art of centerpiece making.

That, and I love taking up work-time to HAVE FUN CRAFTING. Top Kitten called me during craft time AND DID NOT BELIEVE THAT I WAS CRAFTING. SO THERE, TOP KITTEN. SO. THERE.

(Special thanks to Top Worker Bee for taking the 12 seconds to capture this delicious moment. I always make sure she hardly gets any work done.)

Birthday Event Extravaganza Round-Up: Part 2

I didn't want to overload you all with SO MANY PICTURES IN ONE POSTING.

Because I decided my blog needs more traffic than my Facebook profile, I've decided to post my party pictures ONLY HERE and not on FB. Shocking, eh?

Anyway, I had a magical evening. A lovely turnout. Those who were supposed to be there but didn't show up? Pfft. Their loss. This Ditz knows who her REAL friends are!

Top Kitten & one of my Top Pets

Ditz, Prince, TK and TP [the many cocktails on the table DID NOT BELONG TO ME]

Miss Ditz & her Prince

Typical Bas-Mitsvah group photo. I made them ALL pose for this one.

Hello Kitten visited!

TK and the Ditz, showcasing our overpriced -YET FABULOUS - purchases.

TK brought along her brother and his NotaryKitten of a girlfriend - always a pleasure!

If only everyone looked at me the way Prince does...

All in all, it was a LOVELY soiree. We went to this bar that WAS super hot during the summer. WAS is the operative word. Whatever. This Ditz doesn't need to be at the HOTTEST place to have a good time! It was all about the company, for Ditz's 25th, and really, the company could not have been even the slightest bit better.

Ditz LOVES her precious kittens and pets who helped her celebrate her birthday! What a beautiful night!

Birthday Event Extravaganza Round-Up: Part 1

In case you forgot, my BIRTHDAY was last week. Right. That National Holiday that falls on December 2nd.

As promised, I AM going to do a birthday-present round-up also, but I can't yet because I have MAJOR plans on that front, i.e. pictures galore with tons of LOLZES.

For now, though, I'll be a peach and post some lovely pictographs from my two birthday soirees: Birthday Night Dinner with Prince & Birthday Party Outing.

I won't talk about Prince's present yet. That merits its own story/post.

Prince and I went out for a lovely dinner to what most people consider a GREAT sushi joint. We didn't have reservations, but the restaurant was HALF EMPTY and the LOSERS working there made us WAIT 20 minutes before they seated us. That should've been a hint. The food was fantastic. We had this DELISH salmon & tuna tartare that they serve on these tortilla-style chip things, and some super sushi [that I tried to bring as leftovers to work the next day, but because I'd forgotten to refrigerate them, Worker Bee forced me to throw them out]. The service was so crappy, though. SO CRAPPY to the point that Prince resorted to some MAJOR retaliation, in the form of "accidentally" spilling soy sauce all over the pristine white tablecloths. THAT'LL SHOW THEM!

What's worse, is that when they brought out my birthday "dessert", I handed the serving wench my camera to take a lovely picture of Prince and I, SHE WALKED AWAY, IGNORING ME. She didn't take my camera with her. Instead, we had to settle for the drunk American at the bar to "try" to take pictures of us. And by that, I really mean we let him take two, and then Prince and I used our long arms to self-photograph.

Evidence:

Thanks to the Drunk Guy for that one.
Nice try, Prince.

My arm is seemingly longer. I love Prince's sweater. We are just the cutest. He and I have an entire self-photoshoot from dinner. I like this one best. I'm willing to bet he won't!

Next up: Birthday Party Pictures!

Domestic Ditz

Top Kitten captured this epic moment. Ditz washing dishes.

A once in a lifetime experience.

(Notice matching leopard headband and leopard glasses. EXTRA LEOPARD = EXTRA CHIC.)

POST-BIRTHDITZ - One Hectic Week Later

I spent an HOUR thanking EVERY SINGLE PERSON who wished me a happy birthday on Facebook.

90% of people got a standardized copy-paste message.

It's rather curious WHO messages you on your birthday and the sort of messages you get.

"Hey, happy birthday, long time no speak, what are you up to?"

WHAT do I answer to that? I can't sum up the last 10+ YEARS OF MY LIFE IN ONE FACEBOOK WALL POST. There's a reason why we haven't spoken in a long time. IT'S BECAUSE I PROBABLY DON'T REALLY LIKE YOU.

It bothers me that people who I have as "friends" on FB that are actually total ASSHOLES to me in real life bother to wish me a happy birthday. Call me ungrateful, but I'd rather have NO BIRTHDAY WISHES than receive half-assed "polite" garbage messages from people who look at the listing of birthdays on the homepage and feel it's their CIVIC DUTY to be "nice".
IT'S NOT NICE.

IT'S ANNOYING AND OBNOXIOUS.

Most of the people who wished me a happy birthday WOULDN'T KNOW IT'S MY BIRTHDAY IF IT WEREN'T FOR FACEBOOK.

I have a prime example. I think this happened a solid 2 years/birthdays ago. On a rampage, I deleted a bunch of friends off Facebook. People I didn't like, people associated with people I didn't like, people who looked at me the wrong way ONCE... Anyway, after this axing frenzy, my birthday rolled around and I got an inboxer - as I like to call them - from a guy I went to high school with, that I was pretty friendly with IN high school AND after graduation. He was a casualty of my deleting spree. Inside this message, he wished me a happy birthday, and mentioned that HE KNEW IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY WITHOUT FACEBOOK TELLING HIM SO [oh, and by the way, he also noticed that I'D DELETED HIM].

See? HE is a good egg.

I appreciated all the phone calls. I appreciated even the text messages and emails. I don't appreciate people who think that posting a standard HAPPY BIRTHDAY makes up for a phone call.

It doesn't.

You know what's a great punishment for all these fake Facebook wishes? FAKE STANDARDIZED THANK-YOU REPLIES.

DITZ. ALWAYS. WINS.

[Note: I actually DID love all the Facebook loving. Except for one nameless person. She knows who she is.]

Ditz Exercises Her Civic Duty

...AND VOTED in her provincial election.

See? Photographic evidence that Ditz knows how to vote.

Special thanks to the Disaster himself for capturing this epic moment with his FANCY NEW BLACKBERRY.

I am predicting a TON of flack for this, but I'm going to talk about it anyways.

When it comes to elections of any sort, be it Provincial, Federal or Union, I like to NEVER vote for who I am "supposed" to vote for. I am fairly notorious for trying to cause a stir with my vote, i.e. voting for the party whose beliefs are the EXACT OPPOSITE of what I actually support or voting for the MOST radical party I can vote for. I know every vote counts, and I know it's my civic duty, but HECK, why can't I just have fun?? Last time we had a provincial election [2 years ago? whatever], I made a personal statement and voted for what is considered THE worst party to vote for as an English-speaking Montrealer. I thought it was funny. My riding ANYWAYS always leans in one specific direction, so I like to give other parties an extra vote. I like to know I somewhat count.

I've told Prince my "election theories" and I'm fairly certain he thinks I'm a NIDIOT. He told me that this election isn't exactly the time for my own FUN AND GAMES. I didn't listen to him, and I went to vote - with the Disaster - and I got REALLY confused at the polling station.

There were 5 choices. 4 of the regular ones, and 1 that SORT OF sounded like one of the 4 regulars. I figured it sounded RADICAL and CRAZY enough, that it had to be MORE crazy than any of the OTHER parties on the list. I voted for them.

I asked Disaster if he knew anything about this party, and he didn't. Upon further research [thanks Google], I found out that out of ALL THE PARTIES IN THE WORLD to vote for, I PICKED THE WORST ONE. Like ACTUALLY the worst. This party is a party that I would probably SHUN people for supporting.

Prince and I unknowingly both made the same technical mistake and voted for the same party. He got just as confused as I did. I tried to play the "I AM EXERCISING MY RIGHT TO PRIVACY" shtick with him. Totally backfired when I realized I was super curious to find out who he voted for. He threw that line RIGHT BACK AT ME.

Aaand then we realized we both voted by mistake for the same party. Don't ask us who we voted for; we will be exercising our right to privacy.

Things I COULD Be Doing

Oh, the weather outside is FRIGHTFUL, but my cozy bed is so DELIGHTFUL.

I have a new VLOG to post. I know that MOST of you are going to be SUPER EXCITED. I'll put it up. Not now.

We just got a solid "5 centimeters" of snow. 5 centimeters means NOTHING to me. The weather jerks should have just said we're expecting "enough snow that it'll take you 20+ minutes to clean off your car and you'll be stuck in traffic for at LEAST an hour on your drive home".

In honor of this LOVELY weather, and the fact that it IS beginning to look a lot like CHRISTMAS, I bring you a fresh list.

Things Ditz Could Be Doing Tonight & The Likelihood of Each Happening:

1. Catching up on the 5+ blog entries she's dying to post [Likelihood: 15% chance of happening (CoH)]
2. Organizing her closets (again) and weeding out crappy clothing [2% CoH]
3. Studying for her exam on Friday [0.05% CoH]
4. Reading one of the 12 books on her personal reading list [1% CoH]
5. Watching episodes of Dallas [9% CoH]
6. Watching episodes of The Office [75% CoH]
7. Taking a lovely 45 minute bath and depleting her household of hot water [40% CoH]
8. Pacing around her room and having periodic snacks at 20 minute intervals [85% CoH]
9. Lurking around the kitchen, reading magazines and having snacks [67% CoH]
10. Stay snuggled up in bed, with elephants & giraffes and do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING [101% CoH]

I think #10 is winning. I'd bet on it!

Ditz's HOTW: Barack Obama

This week's hero PROBABLY should just be me, given that it was my birthday, BUT IT'S NOT. Ditz's HOTW is none other than the U.S. President Elect, Mr. Barack Obama. Why? Not because he's the first Black president. Not because he's told the "help" at the White House to leave his girls be with their chores. Not because his wife is a fashion icon. He's this week's hero because he tried to impersonate himself and failed. Miserably.

Obama had good intentions. All he wanted to do was call a Floridian Congresswoman and congratulate her on her re-election. She hung up on his phone call. Not once, but TWICE. Being particularly unimpressed with the fact that radio stations are CONSTANTLY pranking congressfolk imitating "important" politicians, the congresswoman took this fact for granted and assumed it was a common gag.

It wasn't.

Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen was pretty set on not having a Palin-esque situation. It took retelling of an inside joke from Representative Howard Berman to convince this lovely lady that Obama ACTUALLY wanted to speak to her.

Obama gets this week's honor of being the Ditz Hero of the Week. He successfully managed to convince a congresswoman that he wasn't really himself, but that he can do a better impression of "Barack Obama" than the "guy who does it on Saturday Night Live".

BIRTHDITZ, Quarter Century & LOVIN' IT

Today, we honor Momma Ditz, who so carefully let me exit her womb some 25 years ago. I took this opportunity to send her a beautiful orchid in honor of OUR special day. She was very moved.

Oh right. Today's my BIRTHDAY. 25 years young. I have had a truly MAGICAL day so far. Top Kitten had a pile of BALLOONS sent to my office, Momma Ditz baked a pile of goodies for me to bring TO the office [I am 25 going on 8], Prince delivered BEAUTIFUL flowers, Worker Bee and I went out for a LOVELY klassy lunch [pogos and fries with gravy]. Toronto Kitten SANG ME A SONG. What a MARVELOUS DAY.

All the worker bees at my office gave me TONS of love and hugs and kisses. It's been - THUS FAR - my absolute TOP birthday.

Top Worker Bee told me that she hasn't seen anyone get as much birthday lovin' as this little Ditz. WELL OBVIOUSLY. EVERYONE LOVES THE DITZ!!

My day is FAR from over. Prince and I are going out for dinner shortly. I hope for something yummy and deep fried. Tomorrow, I'll do a birthday-gift round-up.

In the meantime, I'll let you laugh at the photos: Ditz at her desk with her BALLOONS and Ditz posing like a NEB with her balloons and flowers. Momma Ditz forced Kiddo to stage this PHOTO-OP.

I am such a birthday pest.