Waiting Room Disaster = Ditz

Truth: Ditz can't be taken anywhere without ample supervision.
Truth: I had to write myself notes on the following lest I forget ANYTHING OF NOTE.

Headline: Ditz Sits in a Doctor's Waiting Room.
Subtitle: Two Hours Later, Hilarity Ensues.

Ditz needed to visit a doctor, for a usual checking visit, nothing major to report. Ditz was silly, and did not get to the office early, because she was lazy and preferred taking the extra 15 minutes to snooze, rather than be smart and leave at a reasonable hour. [Sidenote: Ditz did not receive her $5 incentive because she was tardy.] Upon her arrival, Ditz was greeted by a waiting room FULL of assorted patients, including various children (not her cup of tea in the morning, thank you very much) and a few kindly elderly folk. Oh, and some young ladies who felt it necessary to openly discuss their personal life trials and tribulations ("Oh, it's just so hard being single and successful, men just find me too intimidating!" "I am just ready to be engaged and married already! I can't wait to have CHILDREN!"), but they aren't the point of the story. They get no further press.

MOVING RIGHT ALONG...

Ditz plopped herself on the edge of a couch, positioning herself near the door. She was ambitious. She brought in one of her school textbooks to get ahead on her reading. AMBITIOUS. Promptly upon opening her text, a CHARMING SPRAT of a child decided it was necessary to use the rocking horse next to Ditz's seat. Ditz clearly did NOT survey the seating options properly. Furthermore, the child ALSO felt it was necessary to periodically KICK DITZ in the arm. CHILD'S MOTHER IS LUCKY DITZ IS DOCILE IN THE MORNING BEFORE HER SYSTEM IS TARNISHED WITH COFFEE AND/OR CAFFEINE.

Ditz was then BLESSED with a lovely elderly lady who decided to NOT allow Ditz her several inches of personal space on the COMPLETELY EMPTY COUCH. Elderly Lady practically sat on Ditz's lap. Now, for those of you who missed the memo, Ditz has the potential to be THE biggest PEST this side of the Atlantic. Elderly Lady had proceeded to read her newspaper. Ditz, knowing that NOBODY on this planet enjoys strangers reading over their shoulders, decided she was PARTICULARLY CURIOUS about what this Lady was reading, ON EVERY SINGLE PAGE.

Ditz is a total pain in the rump roast. She knows.

Elderly Lady kept UNcasually turning the paper away from nosy Ditz, BUT KEPT INCHING CLOSER ON THE COUCH. Ditz decided that instant that it was necessary to begin texting not one, not two, but THREE precious pets at the SAME TIME, thus causing her mobile telephone device to vibrate at 15 second intervals. Upon feeling vibrations on her leg, Elderly Lady MOVED AWAY.

BREAK FOR MORAL COMPASS TIME.
Storytime Moral #1: Give Ditz personal space.
Storytime Moral #2: Use vibrating cell phones to GAIN personal space.
Storytime Moral #3: Ditz is a GIANT pest.

Ditz casually turned her attention to the pile of young noisy sprats playing on the floor, WHO ALL KEPT PUTTING THEIR MOUTHS ON EVERY SINGLE TOY THEY TOUCHED. [Note to self: disinfect mouth after playing with toys that the children have touched.] Do these children NOT REALIZE that saliva transfers GERMS faster than dirty syringes??

Storytime Moral #4: Avoid playing with fun toys in doctors' offices.

Moving along, Ditz got blessed, during this TUMULTUOUS waiting room excursion, with a precious Kitten Fan. Kitten Fan and Ditz discussed life, shoes, precious moments, until Kitten Fan decided it was enough waiting for her, and she was to move on with her day. Ditz escorted KF outside, with the purpose of passing onto KF one of her precious business cards, HOT OFF THE PRESS. Ditz re-entered the waiting room, having left her jacket in her car due to the impending heat wave.

And you know what? Elderly Lady - who Ditz did NOT sit next to upon her return - announced to the waiting room that the "Young lady who had been sitting next to her" had LEFT AND WAS NOT RETURNING.

Storytime Moral #5: In order to confuse people, REMOVE YOUR JACKET. Nobody will EVER recognize you.

Bottom line: In going outdoors for all of 3.6 MINUTES, I almost lost my turn. Thank god other people recognized me and knew I was next. I am also as healthy as a horse. In a positive, upbeat way, of course.