HOW TO WIN... at life.

And by life, I clearly mean shopping/outfit making.

As everyone knows, I have been terrorizing my parental units, most specifically, my mother (bless her heart), about an upcoming event that I need to be clothed for. What's that, you say? THE BAS-MISVAH.

Today's post concludes my eternal search for a complete outfit, complete with instructions on how to terrorize your parents (or whoever's footing your formal event clothing bill) and end up getting better things than you expected.


Step 1: Locate a really expensive- yet beautiful- dress at Holt Renfrew, 5 months prior to event. Gush about how beautiful it is, and how perfect it would be.

Step 2: Upon your mother informing you that 5 months in advance is silly, decide then and there that you will settle for no other dress except this one. Don't tell your mother you're thinking this. The art of being STUBBORN really kicks in right here.

Step 3: During the next 2-3 months, visit BCBG 10-15 times, and "unsuccessfully" find nothing suitable. Whine constantly about how that first dress you tried on was perfect, and how much you wish you'd bought it. At this stage, be sure to include how it WOULD'VE been on sale.

Step 4: Fall in love with a second dress, making sure that it is more expensive, more revealing and more flashy than the first one. Accept compliments from the old bags working in the store. Tell everyone you've never fallen in love with a dress before. Be convincing. Forget any other dress you've ever claimed to love. Put it on hold at the store to prove how SERIOUS YOU ARE THIS TIME.

Step 5: "Forget" how much this new dress costs, and make it seem like a reasonable purchase. Talk to father. Play up your Daddy's Little Girl status.

Step 6: Bring mother on an excursion to BCBG and Holt Renfrew. Try on everything she suggests. Try on anything you'd consider wearing. LOVE NOTHING YOU TRY, EXCEPT, for the one dress that mother HATES. Put more dresses on hold.

Step 7: ROADBLOCK. Parents remember BCBG dress purchased 1.5 years ago that was worn once. Try it on, realize that it's kind of okay, and mostly doable. Rethink entire strategy. Agree to alterations. Rethink strategy. Admit to a few dresses existing in current wardrobe that are totally acceptable. Leopard print is not an option.

Step 8: Force parents to at least agree to new shoes and new evening bag, despite the fact that current accessories closet doors sometimes don't close. Ignore the fact that you recently bought beautiful evening shoes. Research online. Locate potential shoes. Try to think of a good excuse why you need a Marc Jacobs bag and Christian Louboutins for the event. Rationalize to parents that they COULD HAVE spent $700+ on a dress AND shoes, but instead, are getting a GOOD DEAL by just buying new shoes and a bag. Emphasize the GOOD DEAL factor.

Step 9: Be nice, and buy the shoes your mother likes, but in the color you prefer. Locate a really expensive bag and a fairly reasonable bag that you like. Make sure one is ridiculously tacky (the cheaper one) and one is classically beautiful (the expensive bag). Agree to go into cheaper stores and look for potential options. Try to not like ANYTHING except the two you decided on prior to discussions. Show the expensive bag. Make sure lighting is perfect. Also, do this at the end of a long shopping trip, so mother is exhausted and wants to get everything over with. Discuss pros and cons. Cons should NOT EXIST. Gush over bag. Pretend to not be able to decide between that one, and an even MORE expensive similar one. Promise to split the costs. Thank parent a zillion times when she pays for it.

Step 10: Hide checkbook. Be careful to not discuss money or payment plans. Try to limit purchases for a while, or hide them in your trunk and sneak them in when parents are asleep.


So what's the moral of the story here? Sometimes, being a pain in the ass pays off. I ended up with a sickening pair of shoes, a gorgeous designer bag and a nice cocktail dress that'll be wearable after alterations. Looks like this ditz is smarter than she thought!


Stay stylish kittens! xoxo