I Love Group Work. Really.

One of the joys of my program is group work. I mentioned in a previous entry that I was blessed with a group member who used Babelfish to translate her work. She has since apologized.

This is about a DIFFERENT group.

I'm fine working in a team of two (2). I am also okay-ish with groups of three (3) and four (4). I've been tortured in a group of five (5) [that time, it was Miss Ditz and 4 guys. That was NOT FUN].

In this group, I have been PUNISHED with a total of SIX (6) members. That includes yours truly. 5 estrogen-filled ladies AND ONE GUY. He thinks he's the luckiest duck this side of PR Management.

He's not.

He got cursed with four (4) girls and one (1) Ditz. And all five (5) of us tend to butt heads ON EVERYTHING.

Let's take last night. We had our final pre-presentation group meeting. Our topic was assigned to us, and it couldn't have been more fitting: we represent a modeling agency, called Top Models of the World, who needs to deal with the fact that two (2) models have died recently from eating disorders. Delicious topic, eh? We decided we needed a slogan for our communications plan and this little Ditz got her thinking cap on.

[Ditz:] "'Changing the Modeling Industry, ONE SANDWICH AT A TIME'."
[Group groans]
[Group Kitten #1:] "That's too sarcastic for a professional presentation."
[Ditz:] "Fine. 'Changing the Modeling Industry, ONE MODEL AT A TIME'."
[J.Lo Kitten:] "No, that's still not good. How about 'Role Models are Top Models'?"
[Ditz:] "I think it would sound better if it was 'Top Models are Role Models'."
[J.Lo Kitten:] "No."

10 minutes later...

[J.Lo Kitten:] "I thought of a perfect slogan! 'Top Models are Role Models'."
[Silence]
[Classmate Kitten, whispering:] "Err, Ditz, didn't you JUST SAY THAT?"
[Ditz:] "No, apparently not."

Our slogan is 'Top Models are Role Models'. I didn't think of it. Clearly.

Riddle Me This, BATMAN

I wish this was a Batman-related post.

IT'S NOT.

Currently sitting across a table from Hello Kitten, working like little bees on a communications plan DUE TOMORROW. Why are we puttering about now? Because we're last-minute kittens.
Why is this relevant?

An unnamed group member of ours opted to write her sections in her mother tongue, FRENCH. That's cool and all, sure, but don't send the designated editors HALF-FRENCH/HALF-ENGLISH PARTS.

That's not the punch line. Wait for it.


Some of the sentences in her original text were beyond incomprehensible. I'd put examples, but that's just PLAIN MEAN. Hello Kitten and I proceeded to read them out loud several times, and couldn't get ourselves off the floor. I wanted to share this with the world, and by the world, I mean Disaster Pet.

You know something? He's really smart. The instant I sent it to him he pegged it.
BABELFISH TRANSLATIONS. AT A UNIVERSITY LEVEL. Seriously. And JUST to prove he was right, I put the "english" sentence into the fishy translator and BOOM. Coherent French sentence.

WHEN WILL YOU PEOPLE LEARN? Babelfish doesn't translate FULL SENTENCES. It does it WORD - BY - WORD.

I called my mother to tell her about this. She loves my "Group-Work-Blows" stories. LOVES.

"IS THAT GIRL DEMENTED?"
"Yes, Mom. I think she may be."
"ARE YOU CRYING???"
"NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT MOMMY."

I MAY have to make an ultimate list of lessons learned from McGill Public Relations Group Projects.

YET ANOTHER EMPTY PROMISE, DITZ.

Rocking Presentations: Version 2.4

This may become a recurring series, given that I have piles of presentations coming up.

You all may remember my previous entry on this subject, http://theanecditz.blogspot.com/2008/04/skewed-priorities-or-how-to-rock.html
or the fact that I tend to spend more time primping than working on school-related work.

Not news.

Last time, my presentation was a group presentation. Last night, my presentation was a SOLO VENTURE. I haven't done one of those in ages. Potentially ever.

So, as per usual, I give you Ditz's Guide to Rocking Presentations Like a Hurricane.

• Make sure your topic is something you know the MOST ABOUT in your entire class (and/or the world). It's not fun to present something that EVERYONE ALREADY UNDERSTANDS.
• Spend an unusually large amount of time choosing a catchy title. It's important to GRAB your audience in the first 12 seconds of your presentation. Good titles make you think. GREAT TITLES have a colon in them. No, not THAT KIND.
• Use PowerPoint. Everyone loves PowerPoint. That, and it looks like you put it A HECK OF A LOT MORE WORK INTO IT than you actually have.
• 3 days before the presentation: decide that working on anything else aside from it is a priority. Tell people you're really stressed.
• 2 days before the presentation: start working intensely hard on your slides.
• On PowerPoint - pick a slide design template that has at least ONE shade of pink. Everyone LOVES pink.
• Put at least ONE clip art image on each slide. Clip art is equivalent to sunshine on a cloudy day.
• Make sure you have a pile and a half of fun graphs, charts, useless pictures to hand out. Everyone loves a distraction.
• When a professor says they want a "Business" presentation, what they REALLY mean is they want an ENTERTAINING & FUN & CASUAL presentation. Obviously.
• Day of presentation: be really stressed. Call in sick to work. Take a 2 hour power nap filled with HIGH ANXIETY dreams about sleeping through your presentation.
• Spend vast majority of your day dreaming about what outfit to wear. Spend the other part of your day endlessly recounting how REAL your anxiety dreams were.
• 4 hours before presentation: trek over to local Bureau En Gros to save on your own personal ink supply and print out FUN HANDOUTS on glossies.
• Spend 20 minutes arguing with Bureau En Gros technicians at how they actively try to ruin your life by not having any functioning color printers AT ANY OF THEIR LOCATIONS.
• Print out dozens of Wikipedia articles on your topic for reference points. Hello? Wikipedia is THE ultimate source of all truths.
• 2 hours before presentation: have an ultimate freak-out breakdown. Uninvite your precious Prince from attending. HE is the reason you're stressed. It's not the fact that you're still missing 2 crucial slides; it's that you're nervous to perform in front of him. HE MIGHT JUDGE YOU.
• 95 minutes before presentation: finish slides. Calm down.
• 1 hour before presentation: show Momma slides. After all, she GAVE YOU LIFE, she deserves to see your slides.
• T-45 minutes: take a leisurely shower. You have to look your best, and you KNOW IT.
• Change your outfit 12 times. Decide on something borderline provocative. If they aren't going to focus on your presentation, let them focus on your goods.
• Arrive 12 minutes late to class. You need to make an entrance and you know it.
• When the projector doesn't work, sit on a desk and present casually.
• 1 word: SMILE. Everyone needs to see what your parents paid good money to fix. Take cues from the Cheshire Cat. He knows where it's at!
• Keeping in mind that you have a time limit of 10-15 minutes, ignore that, and talk for 35-40 minutes. You're interesting, your topic is the best AND YOU HAVE NO REGARD FOR ANYONE ELSE'S TIME.
• Graciously accept any/all questions from the peanut gallery. Questions = interest. Lack of questions = you suck.
• Curtsy when your classmates clap for you. YOU ROCK!

My classmates told me I was delicious. I only half believe them. I do believe they were just mesmerized by the fact that my presentation was based on the art of blogging and Facebook.

Let's be serious here. Beyond shoes, what else am I physically capable to talk about?