Birthday Event Extravaganza Round-Up: Part 2

I didn't want to overload you all with SO MANY PICTURES IN ONE POSTING.

Because I decided my blog needs more traffic than my Facebook profile, I've decided to post my party pictures ONLY HERE and not on FB. Shocking, eh?

Anyway, I had a magical evening. A lovely turnout. Those who were supposed to be there but didn't show up? Pfft. Their loss. This Ditz knows who her REAL friends are!

Top Kitten & one of my Top Pets

Ditz, Prince, TK and TP [the many cocktails on the table DID NOT BELONG TO ME]

Miss Ditz & her Prince

Typical Bas-Mitsvah group photo. I made them ALL pose for this one.

Hello Kitten visited!

TK and the Ditz, showcasing our overpriced -YET FABULOUS - purchases.

TK brought along her brother and his NotaryKitten of a girlfriend - always a pleasure!

If only everyone looked at me the way Prince does...

All in all, it was a LOVELY soiree. We went to this bar that WAS super hot during the summer. WAS is the operative word. Whatever. This Ditz doesn't need to be at the HOTTEST place to have a good time! It was all about the company, for Ditz's 25th, and really, the company could not have been even the slightest bit better.

Ditz LOVES her precious kittens and pets who helped her celebrate her birthday! What a beautiful night!

Birthday Event Extravaganza Round-Up: Part 1

In case you forgot, my BIRTHDAY was last week. Right. That National Holiday that falls on December 2nd.

As promised, I AM going to do a birthday-present round-up also, but I can't yet because I have MAJOR plans on that front, i.e. pictures galore with tons of LOLZES.

For now, though, I'll be a peach and post some lovely pictographs from my two birthday soirees: Birthday Night Dinner with Prince & Birthday Party Outing.

I won't talk about Prince's present yet. That merits its own story/post.

Prince and I went out for a lovely dinner to what most people consider a GREAT sushi joint. We didn't have reservations, but the restaurant was HALF EMPTY and the LOSERS working there made us WAIT 20 minutes before they seated us. That should've been a hint. The food was fantastic. We had this DELISH salmon & tuna tartare that they serve on these tortilla-style chip things, and some super sushi [that I tried to bring as leftovers to work the next day, but because I'd forgotten to refrigerate them, Worker Bee forced me to throw them out]. The service was so crappy, though. SO CRAPPY to the point that Prince resorted to some MAJOR retaliation, in the form of "accidentally" spilling soy sauce all over the pristine white tablecloths. THAT'LL SHOW THEM!

What's worse, is that when they brought out my birthday "dessert", I handed the serving wench my camera to take a lovely picture of Prince and I, SHE WALKED AWAY, IGNORING ME. She didn't take my camera with her. Instead, we had to settle for the drunk American at the bar to "try" to take pictures of us. And by that, I really mean we let him take two, and then Prince and I used our long arms to self-photograph.

Evidence:

Thanks to the Drunk Guy for that one.
Nice try, Prince.

My arm is seemingly longer. I love Prince's sweater. We are just the cutest. He and I have an entire self-photoshoot from dinner. I like this one best. I'm willing to bet he won't!

Next up: Birthday Party Pictures!

Ditz Exercises Her Civic Duty

...AND VOTED in her provincial election.

See? Photographic evidence that Ditz knows how to vote.

Special thanks to the Disaster himself for capturing this epic moment with his FANCY NEW BLACKBERRY.

I am predicting a TON of flack for this, but I'm going to talk about it anyways.

When it comes to elections of any sort, be it Provincial, Federal or Union, I like to NEVER vote for who I am "supposed" to vote for. I am fairly notorious for trying to cause a stir with my vote, i.e. voting for the party whose beliefs are the EXACT OPPOSITE of what I actually support or voting for the MOST radical party I can vote for. I know every vote counts, and I know it's my civic duty, but HECK, why can't I just have fun?? Last time we had a provincial election [2 years ago? whatever], I made a personal statement and voted for what is considered THE worst party to vote for as an English-speaking Montrealer. I thought it was funny. My riding ANYWAYS always leans in one specific direction, so I like to give other parties an extra vote. I like to know I somewhat count.

I've told Prince my "election theories" and I'm fairly certain he thinks I'm a NIDIOT. He told me that this election isn't exactly the time for my own FUN AND GAMES. I didn't listen to him, and I went to vote - with the Disaster - and I got REALLY confused at the polling station.

There were 5 choices. 4 of the regular ones, and 1 that SORT OF sounded like one of the 4 regulars. I figured it sounded RADICAL and CRAZY enough, that it had to be MORE crazy than any of the OTHER parties on the list. I voted for them.

I asked Disaster if he knew anything about this party, and he didn't. Upon further research [thanks Google], I found out that out of ALL THE PARTIES IN THE WORLD to vote for, I PICKED THE WORST ONE. Like ACTUALLY the worst. This party is a party that I would probably SHUN people for supporting.

Prince and I unknowingly both made the same technical mistake and voted for the same party. He got just as confused as I did. I tried to play the "I AM EXERCISING MY RIGHT TO PRIVACY" shtick with him. Totally backfired when I realized I was super curious to find out who he voted for. He threw that line RIGHT BACK AT ME.

Aaand then we realized we both voted by mistake for the same party. Don't ask us who we voted for; we will be exercising our right to privacy.

BIRTHDITZ, Quarter Century & LOVIN' IT

Today, we honor Momma Ditz, who so carefully let me exit her womb some 25 years ago. I took this opportunity to send her a beautiful orchid in honor of OUR special day. She was very moved.

Oh right. Today's my BIRTHDAY. 25 years young. I have had a truly MAGICAL day so far. Top Kitten had a pile of BALLOONS sent to my office, Momma Ditz baked a pile of goodies for me to bring TO the office [I am 25 going on 8], Prince delivered BEAUTIFUL flowers, Worker Bee and I went out for a LOVELY klassy lunch [pogos and fries with gravy]. Toronto Kitten SANG ME A SONG. What a MARVELOUS DAY.

All the worker bees at my office gave me TONS of love and hugs and kisses. It's been - THUS FAR - my absolute TOP birthday.

Top Worker Bee told me that she hasn't seen anyone get as much birthday lovin' as this little Ditz. WELL OBVIOUSLY. EVERYONE LOVES THE DITZ!!

My day is FAR from over. Prince and I are going out for dinner shortly. I hope for something yummy and deep fried. Tomorrow, I'll do a birthday-gift round-up.

In the meantime, I'll let you laugh at the photos: Ditz at her desk with her BALLOONS and Ditz posing like a NEB with her balloons and flowers. Momma Ditz forced Kiddo to stage this PHOTO-OP.

I am such a birthday pest.

Lucky Little Ditz

The National Holiday, also known as Ditz's Birthday, is next Tuesday.

Prince, my delicious and most adored boyfriend, surprised me with a pre-birthday-present present yesterday.

I normally don't like to advertise things like this, because this Ditz likes to keep her actual personal life private, but I can't help but gloat and bask in the glory of Prince's knack at gift-giving. Never has this Ditz had such a precious man who really just understands her quirks and quarks (and knows that she loves jewelry).

He is really just wonderfully amazing and I am infinitely lucky that our hairdresser fixed us up.
BET YOU ALL WANT THAT STORY, EH? If enough of you ask for it, I may go ahead with it.


ANYWAY, that's what my Prince gave me. A beautiful antique pearl necklace with a delicious clasp. Super special, super original and super unique. Ever so thoughtful, he gave it to me yesterday afternoon, so I'd be able to wear it for my presentations last night and tonight.

Could I BE any luckier?

Coming from a Ditz who once thought Tiffany's boxes were the only source of bejeweled happiness, I don't think I want to go back there. I know. I might have fever. It takes a credit card to walk into Tiffany's and pick out a floating heart. It takes a real PRINCE to go looking for something VINTAGE with personality!

Kittens, don't fret if you think the dating pool is full of little kids and urine. For every bad seed, there's a Prince hiding in the background. Or in my case, in my hair salon.

"I Didn't Pay $80 To Listen To Your Voice"

Around one week ago, I called up Prince and mentioned in passing how Bob Dylan was coming in town and it would be MAYBE nice to go see him, because it MIGHT be one of his last tours EVER. I didn’t think he actually listened to my ramblings until Tuesday, when he announced that he’d surprised me, and got us tickets.

What I failed to mention to Prince, was that I’m not the BIGGEST Dylan fan. In fact, I probably can NOT name more than 5 Dylan songs. He’s a cultural icon. I wanted to be able to say that I’d been there, even if it was for 4 minutes, before the man kicks the bucket. Needless to say, I was heavily disappointed when I found out the concert would not be 4 minutes long.

Prince and I went with high hopes. SERIOUSLY HIGH HOPES.

Prior to the show, while Prince & I waited for the show to start:

[Ditz:] “Hey, do you think there’s going to be a LIGHT SHOW?”

[Prince:] [Rolls eyes.] “No. I doubt it.”

[Ditz:] “What about PYROTECHNICS??”

Hey. When I go to a concert, I expect to be ENTERTAINED. I want a PACKAGE DEAL of everything that can be done in a two-hour span. LIKE THE SPICE GIRLS. OR CELINE DION. THEY use pyrotechnics. THEY have light shows!

Bob and his band were really SOMETHING ELSE. Bob pretty much had his profile – if not his BACK - to the audience for the vast majority of the show. Know why? Because if you catch him straight on, the man looks like an old grandmother. When he used his harmonica (CAN’T HE JUST HIRE SOMEONE TO DO THAT AT THIS POINT???), he practically needed his oxygen mask afterwards. He WAS BARELY ABLE TO SING.

I read the review of the concert in my local newspaper. Let’s not get into the bulk of his review. What I found rather curious is how he spoke so highly of the BAND.

THE BAND??? THE BAND IN HATS!

There were 2 guitarists, a bassist, a drummer and some IDIOT hiding in the back playing WEIRDO instruments. Apparently there was a costume/outfit motif, and Roy, the resident utility guy in the back, wasn’t included in the memo. The strings section was all wearing matching outfits and hats. The drummer was wearing a hat. BOB was even wearing a hat. And ROY? NO. NO HAT. He just had his hair done that afternoon. No hat was going to COVER THAT FANCY ‘DO UP.

Roy honestly provided ample entertainment for Prince and me, seeing as the show was REALLY NOT THAT GREAT. Roy kept changing instruments with each song. A table-harp thing. A guitar/bass. A violin. But it was pretty obvious that he really just didn’t belong. He looked like a failed wedding singer. Roy. Roy was off on most songs. Constantly leaning over and trying to see what everyone else was doing.

[Band hissing:] “HEY ROY. WHERE’S YOUR HAT?!”

He was MARGINALLY better than Manuelo, the dancing bassist, who managed to upstage EVERYONE with his pelvic-thrust dance moves. He must be REALLY TALENTED if he can manage PELVIC THRUSTS while PLAYING THE BASS. He wasn’t wearing sunglasses like the two guitarists, but Manuelo WAS wearing a bolo tie. Yes. A bolo tie.

The drummer was something else. While he WAS wearing a hat, he wasn’t in a fedora like the REST OF THE GANG. He’s a failed Goth-Rock-Emo band singer. And a part-time sushi chef. In case you were wondering.

While Prince and I were busy having the time of our lives discussing the band’s background, we were RUDELY INTERRUPTED by the UNLOVELY woman sitting in front of us.

“I DIDN’T PAY $80 TO LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE!”

No, you’re right. You paid $80 to watch a relic hang onto something that just IS NOT THERE anymore.

I texted Momma Ditz & Poppa Ditz during the show. I texted each of them separately, because I knew I’d get HILARIOUS responses from both of them.

[Ditz, via text:] Bob Dylan is a total relic.

[Momma Ditz, via text:] That’s why I don’t go!

[Poppa Ditz, via text:] He’s not a rock star

Prince and I walked out before the end of the show. It was just honestly THAT BAD. We didn’t even get to hear Bob address the audience and introduce his band. Whatever. We know them all anyways.

I was punished for this excursion. Prince wants to teach me that I can’t want to do EVERYTHING. During these times of recession, I need to be more selective about our methods of extra-curricular entertainment and/or activities. And truthfully, he’s right. I should not be abusing his discretional income during a recession. I SHOULD be more selective. Prince didn’t make me pay for both tickets. He didn’t make me pay for my ticket. He asked me to pay him for HALF the price of a ticket. I presented it to him, along with the review of the concert. He was really appreciative.

Oh, and by the way, I had skipped CLASS FOR THIS.

How To Be A Glutton

Featuring Prince, Ditz & Chocolate.

2 weekends ago - I was BITCHDITZ and did not advertise - was the Salon Passion de Chocolat at our fine Palais de Congres. Sometimes, Ditz is a rat and keeps things to herself. Worker Bee JUST gave me hell that I didn't tell her, because HER prince would have chocolate intravenous if it was socially acceptable. He says Worker Bee and I cannot be friends anymore. WHATEVER. NOT A LOSS.

(I am slightly kidding.)

For those of you who aren't sure what a SALON PASSION DE CHOCOLAT is, allow me to explain.

What Ditz Thought It Would Be: GIANT FESTIVAL WITH CHOCOLATE FLOWING FROM FOUNTAINS AND CHOCOLATE COVERED EVERYTHINGS TO EAT AND A RIVER OF CHOCOLATE.
What It ACTUALLY Was: A chocolate/jams/wine trade show, featuring Quebec vendors.

And no, WILLY WONKA WAS NOT THERE. Jerk.

So, with this all in mind, I give you Ditz & Prince's Steps to GLUTTONY:

1. Start off your evening with a good piece of Shnitzel. Forget saving room. You need FRIED CHICKEN ENERGY.
2. Enter Show. Notice samples cost $1. IGNORE SIGNS.
3. Stand by Jam/Chocolate Spread station. Try EVERY SINGLE ONE, especially if there are at least 20 flavors.
4. Drink at least 3 complimentary espressos. You need an energy boost after all that JAM.
5. Divide and Conquer for ultimate snacking experience. Tag teams aren't as successful as single SNEAKERS.
6. Notice wine sample stations. Claim you're a restauranteur. Get extra samples. Advance 5 spaces.
7. Don't waste time on cookies. They are useless stomach-fillers.
8. Ignore #7. Everyone loves a good cookie. Or 3.
9. Decide you're not spending money on samples. Ignore booths that make you pay.
10. Try several wines at least thrice. You need to be sure before you purchase.
11. Eat everything free in sight. Don't be ashamed; they KNOW WHY YOU'RE THERE.
12. Buy anything that seems REMOTELY yummy. You won't regret it later.
13. Go out for a leisurely hearty dinner afterwards. You're still hungry, so STOP JUDGING YOURSELF.

Prince bought 3 bottles of wine [apple cider, currant, blueberry]. We have nearly finished one of them.

I bought 4 spreads [chocolate/red peppers/paprika, honey caramel, merlot or something red jelly, strawberry jam] and a bottle of cream apple cider. The honey caramel is nearly finished. I had it once. Methinks Kiddo likes it on toast for breakfast. SHE WOULD.

CAPTION ME.

I hope Prince doesn't see this before I give it to him. FOR HIS FRIDGE. I am the best girlfriend. Ever.

I NEVER Do This...

...SO KNOW THAT IT'S SPECIAL.



I don't ADORE posting TONS of pictures of myself. At least not on my blog. However, given the circumstances of last night and a certain Ditz's costume, I can't NOT share.


I was your mother's worst nightmare. Or Miley Cyrus in 6 months. Or Jamie-Lynn Spears. Or Bristol Palin. Whatever!


Prince was a Greek Wedding Singer. He had the best dance moves at the Blue Dog. AND the best facial hair.


My mother didn't LOVE my costume. She told me to remove my belly so the neighbors wouldn't talk.

HAPPY INAUGURAL HOLIDAY MUSIC DAY!

Greetings From The Bunny Patch

I'm technically the only person in the office who dressed up for Halloween. Shocker. I brought Top Worker Bee a set of ears to wear. At least I'm not alone.

I'm a bunny. A grey bunny. In my bunny patch with Bunny-Worker-Bee.

Today is my favorite day of the year. Not because it's Halloween and I can load up on candy. Today is the eve of November 1. No, not because we'll be one month away from my birthday (National Holiday).

Why?

BECAUSE TOMORROW IS THE DAY THAT 92.9 LITE ROCK STATION STARTS PLAYING HOLIDAY/CHRISTMAS MUSIC. ALL. DAY. LONG. UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Ditz & Prince's costumes for tonight's festivities are technically still up in the air. Let's not talk about that.