Crying Mess

Get ready to make fun of me endlessly:
For Better or For Worse is actually my favorite comic strip in the entire universe. Go ahead. Laugh. I've been following it for years. I can't start my day unless I've gotten my strip fix. I don't have all the books (or any), BUT I do turn a healthy 25 this year. Need a present idea for the Ditz? Get me a FBorFW book. [I love how I started birthday talking already. My birthday's not until December. I've got 1 round of midterms, holidays and a few snowfalls before birthday rolls around.]

Now, for those of you who DON'T follow FB or FW (SHAME ON YOU), let me clue you in. It's finished. Like all the main story lines were summed up this weekend. IT'S OVER. NO MORE NEW STORIES.

I CRIED READING THE LAST 2 STRIPS. LIKE ACTUAL TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE. And by tears streaming down my face, I mean I choked up and my eyes watered. I may be a Ditz, but I can control myself! Sort of...

It's the end of an era. I need a new comic strip to follow.

GO WATCH MY VLOG

No, really.

Go.

I'd just like to mention that it took me a total of 24 hours to figure out how to get it posted. I really live up to my Ditz name sometimes!

Blogger gives you 100 MB max to post a video. My vlog was 144 MB. Typical.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my Mathematics (half) degree for forcing me to take Java programming, which, in turn helped me in encoding my video into a post. Hmm? SHOCKED THAT THE DITZ CAN SPEAK JAVA? NOT SO DITZY!

Big Love Pets. BIG LOVE!

Ditz = RISKAYYY

Kittens & Pets, Pals & Gals, I bring you my first VLOG.

I know I've been talking about it. I know NONE of you believed I'd do it. Truth: I LOVE VLOGGING. Enjoy, my sweet pets. And BY THE WAY, I clearly did NOT primp/get ready to film myself. It was a total spur of the moment. Natural Ditz will probably NEVER make an appearance ever again. No, that's a lie. I am clearly too lazy to do my face for my VLOG. I love you all and hope you love my vlog (and my pretty little face and messy hair).

Original Video- More videos at TinyPic

Momma Knows Best

This merits its own post. Partly because it's so classic, and partly because Momma Ditz started following her little Ditz's blog, and I know she'll feel special. I almost wonder if she did this to get blogged. MAGIC 8 BALL SAYS: IT IS DECIDEDLY SO.

Allow me to precursor with this. Ditz is really slow. Extra lazy, parasite styles. Ditz is USUALLY 5-10 minutes late for work. Momma Ditz does NOT like this. Momma Ditz is always concerned that Little Ditz will be late and reprimanded.

Momma Ditz came up with an incentive program for Ditz.

She leaves me $5 on the kitchen table IF and only IF I get out of the house by 8:35. At precisely 8:36 a.m., if I have not left the house, the $5 IS REMOVED.

Laugh it up, but $5 goes a LONG WAY.

She started this on Friday.

I have an extra $10 to my name.

I love life, and I especially love my INCENTIVE PROGRAM.

Hey, Momma Ditz? Think of an incentive program for me to clean my room and closets. Something like a new pair of shoes.

Discrimination

Titles are misleading. I bet you're all thinking that Ditz is SUDDENLY deep.

SORRY KITTENS. NOT TODAY.

Let's talk about odds, ratios. Let's talk about CANDY. I discriminate - HARD - against candies that aren't RED. They just don't taste the same. OTHER COLORS TASTE LIKE CRAP. Green? Since when do green things taste good? And YELLOW. GROSS. Orange can be mildly tolerable. MILDLY. It's all about red. I used to go to candy stores (Sucre Bleu? I have like 15 stamped cards. I must be due for some free candy) and get GIANT BAGS of only red candy. Cherry Blasters, red Gummy Worms, red Sour Keys, red Gummy Turtles, red Gummy SHARKS. If another color got into my bag, IT WAS RAPIDLY REMOVED. I can easily rack up a $20 bag with JUST RED CANDY. I discriminate against other colors. I AM A CANDY RACIST.

(Obviously not a real racist. My racism is exclusive to candy.)

So, onto serious topics.

I opened up my mini-package of Sour Patch Kids just before, which is what spawned this whole candy-tirade. Inside, I found a spinal cord and teeth. Yes. Inside, was my TWIN. No, not really. I haven't watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding in ages. I miss it. The mini-package had EXACTLY 10 SPKs inside. Ready to talk stats?
Red: 5
Orange: 2
Yellow: 2
Green: 1

HEY. AT LEAST THEY'RE SMARTENING UP AT THE CANDY FACTORY. They know nobody likes green. They KNOW people barely tolerate orange and/or yellow. And they ESPECIALLY know that everyone LOVES RED.

And by everyone, I mean me.

Another Driving Incident

This time, no romance. Well, it COULD be a romantic story. I'm choosing to NOT glamorize it that way.

This time.

Today, on my lovely morning drive to work, I was doing two "AS USUAL" things:

1. Putting on make-up at every red light.
2. Singing at the top of my lungs (current mix: "Songs That Have NO RELATION To Each Other/Songs I Love - This Week") (and yes, that's the ACTUAL title of my mix).

Before I continue, I might add that there is a #3 to that list, that unfortunately was not included today: eating something fattening from Tim Horton's.

Now that I've set the stage, we'll play a round of Normally. Normally, I belt out normal tunes appropriate for morning drives. Normally, I do everything at the same time and am not the least bit disrupted. Normally, my drives to work are uneventful. Normally, I sing without wearing my STUPID bluetooth earpiece, because, yes, I WANT you to know I'm singing BY MYSELF in my car. I don't need the earpiece excuse. I am comfortable enough with my own OFF-KEY SINGING.

Today, however, I opted to put on my mascara at a red light (this is not unusual, have you EVER been in a car with me?) while singing along to a specific song. I was really REALLY belting that crap out. Singing, dancing, the WHOLE 9 yards.

I got honked at. Not because the light had turned green, but because the two gnarly men in the truck next to me were DANCING ALONG TOO.

I am shameless, and was not the slightest bit embarrassed. I flashed those losers my million-dollar smile, batted my freshly-mascaraed eyelashes and waved. Come on, what else was the little Ditz supposed to do?

Now, I know you're all wondering what song I was singing so PASSIONATELY. Wait for it. Dolly Parton's cover of Drive Me Crazy. Yes. I am a country bumpkin. AND I LOVE IT.

And Now, For Something Completely Different...

No, this isn't a Monty Python-related posting. I seriously wish it was. I found this little morsel of goodness linked on Perez. Obviously.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26203228/?GT1=4300

You all know how I feel about board games. Truth: I own this BetaMax video version of Clue. Truth #2: I also own a BetaMax player.