One day, I'm going to get a pile of NASTY comments from my precious kittens, telling me that NOBODY CARES what I like and what I DON'T like. Until then, guess what's in store with today's post? ANOTHER LIST!
Right now, as I type, I've revived my SUMMER BOX. A giant Tupperware box, filled with "summer" clothes. The irony of this box is that I didn't once open it last summer. This box was fully made after summer 2006, because it's filled with corny camp t-shirts, that I was REQUIRED to buy, otherwise I'd be the ONLY LOSER WITHOUT ONE. How many times were any of these fancy items worn? MAYBE ONCE. No, that's a half lie. I wore my A&C items A LOT, but that's because I DESIGNED THEM. Okay, so other than camp crap, what else was found in here? TUBE TOPS (plural. I own apparently more than one) & SKEEZY MINISKIRTS. How I love summer box.
Now, for our list...
Love: Trying on cute tops that STILL look cute, 2-3 years later.
Despise: Potentially cute tops that COULD'VE been cute, but are mysteriously CROPPED.
Love: Giant beloved pink mohair/wool/blend cable-knit poncho.
Despise: Potential awkward comments from peanut galleries when I opt to wear it. YOU ALL SUCK. WHAT DO YOU KNOW? WHEN IS THE DITZ EVER WRONG?
Love: Trying on summer clothes after a great afternoon at Bronzage. EVERYTHING LOOKS NICE.
Despise: Smelling like Bronzage.
Love: Bumblebee tank top.
Despise: See poncho comment.
Love: No longer having to wear socks. Hello fancy flats!
Despise: Stinky feet, blisters, blech.
Love: Hot rollers. Still not over them. At all.
Despise: Next-day-post-roller hair. Revolting. Hairspray is revolting.
Love: Sudoku. Totally not over THAT. Well, I WAS over it, but I rekindled my flame. A Ditz has to work her brain SOMEHOW.
Despise: Being too tired to finish a puzzle, and waking up the next morning with ink on my face and my elephant, my clipboard digging into my back and a pen under my pillow. True story, happens every night, and possibly tonight too. Miss Ditz does NOT learn from her mistakes. EVER.
(P.S. Still wearing the poncho. I might be sweating, but I also might be too lazy to change back into something normal.)
Oh. I think I need to explain why SUMMER BOX resurfaced tonight. As you may or may not recall, I have a condominium of large purses/tote bags that prevents me from closing my closet doors (YES, MOM. I KNOW. THE DOORS WARP THAT WAY). I decided this afternoon to empty the summer box, and store the bags there. We'll see how that turns out. I might never end up using a single bag in there. It's pretty clear how often I wore those summer things. And no, I did NOT wear non-summer clothes last summer. I just bought new things. Obviously.
I'll give you pets a few more Love/Despises and then we'll call it a day. I have more things to try on!
Love: Amazing parking spots downtown.
Despise: Group of 3 men who watch me try to squeeze out of said spot after some PRICK boxed me in. Lexus in the front, Benz in the back? Did I touch either? NOPE. JUST THE SIDEWALK!
Love: Rudsak & Rudsak sample sales (Thursday-Friday-Saturday on St Laurent/Chabanel - ask me for better details).
Despise: Being poor and not able to benefit from the sample sale. DAMN YOU LIFE.
Love: High fives & my "Songs You Hate Yet Know You LOVE" mix CD.
Despise: NOT KNOWING ALL THE WORDS TO MEATLOAF.
Okay precious kittens, stay tuned still for a list of things I'm giving away. The pile is GROWING!
Stay stylish!
xoxo
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Neglectful Ditz Has Much To Discuss
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I've been neglectful of my precious kittens. Let's do a quick recap:
Saturday night, a plaything & I checked out 2 hotspots. 1 is a virtually DEAD playground, other is up-and-coming. I confess I rewore an outfit that got rave reviews. I will continue to wear it until I run out of people who haven't seen it. So far, a plaything has seen it twice. If she has a problem with repeats, she can BLOW IT OUT HER ASS (plaything knows who she is, and knows I love her. Usually). At new hotspot, this little Ditz was complimented ONCE AGAIN on her outfit, which included the famed PEACOCK hairclip. Apparently, miss Ditz had a MATURE HAIRSTYLE, whatever the hell that means. Moral of the story: unless you're a dreamboat and not a creepy old man who resembles exboyfriends, don't waste lines on me.
Sunday included a lovely bridal shower, which is apparently how I spend my weekends lately, as well as a lovely wedding. I really love weddings. I love brides, I love bridesmaids, I love wedding bands and I particularly love open bar. What else do I love? SLOW DANCING. How old am I? 50? 63? Nothing says romance like a slow dance to PURPLE RAIN.
Yesterday, I nursed the hangover from Hades. I suppose that's what I get for being a DEMON. Considering I spent the vast majority of my day being unproductive, less a lunch outing with the matriarch and the bubbs to Tiffany's (2008's Brown Derby), I actually started on something I hope I finish. What's that, you wonder? ACTUALLY CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET AND PURGING ACCESSORIES (and clothing eventually). My mother - bless her heart - presented me with some closet accessories last week (2 weeks ago? Last month? Whatever.) to help me organize my THINGS. I originally laughed, I won't lie, but they're TOTALLY USEFUL. One holds all my belts (I didn't realize how many I own), one holds all my scarves (again, shocked that I have more than 3) and the last one holds all my pashminas. Yes, assholes, I have more than one pashmina. Next on my to-do list is figuring out how to handle all my giant bags. Ugh. Currently, they sit on my floor in a large pile. I will charge them rent soon (I recycle bad jokes).
So, before I post my Spring/Summer 2008 NEED List, I will likely post a list of all purged items. They are available for your taking at a first come-first serve basis. And no, I'm not giving away anything Coach related, so don't hold your breath!
I just decided, for funny purposes, to include some pictures of what exactly this so-called accessory closet looks like.
Cute no? Please note the following things: tupperware boxes with shoes inside, shoe rack, hanging belts, scarves & necklaces and, of course, the general air of MESS.
I love it.
Anyways, my pets, stay stylish! The Ditz loves you! xoxo
Saturday night, a plaything & I checked out 2 hotspots. 1 is a virtually DEAD playground, other is up-and-coming. I confess I rewore an outfit that got rave reviews. I will continue to wear it until I run out of people who haven't seen it. So far, a plaything has seen it twice. If she has a problem with repeats, she can BLOW IT OUT HER ASS (plaything knows who she is, and knows I love her. Usually). At new hotspot, this little Ditz was complimented ONCE AGAIN on her outfit, which included the famed PEACOCK hairclip. Apparently, miss Ditz had a MATURE HAIRSTYLE, whatever the hell that means. Moral of the story: unless you're a dreamboat and not a creepy old man who resembles exboyfriends, don't waste lines on me.
Sunday included a lovely bridal shower, which is apparently how I spend my weekends lately, as well as a lovely wedding. I really love weddings. I love brides, I love bridesmaids, I love wedding bands and I particularly love open bar. What else do I love? SLOW DANCING. How old am I? 50? 63? Nothing says romance like a slow dance to PURPLE RAIN.
Yesterday, I nursed the hangover from Hades. I suppose that's what I get for being a DEMON. Considering I spent the vast majority of my day being unproductive, less a lunch outing with the matriarch and the bubbs to Tiffany's (2008's Brown Derby), I actually started on something I hope I finish. What's that, you wonder? ACTUALLY CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET AND PURGING ACCESSORIES (and clothing eventually). My mother - bless her heart - presented me with some closet accessories last week (2 weeks ago? Last month? Whatever.) to help me organize my THINGS. I originally laughed, I won't lie, but they're TOTALLY USEFUL. One holds all my belts (I didn't realize how many I own), one holds all my scarves (again, shocked that I have more than 3) and the last one holds all my pashminas. Yes, assholes, I have more than one pashmina. Next on my to-do list is figuring out how to handle all my giant bags. Ugh. Currently, they sit on my floor in a large pile. I will charge them rent soon (I recycle bad jokes).
So, before I post my Spring/Summer 2008 NEED List, I will likely post a list of all purged items. They are available for your taking at a first come-first serve basis. And no, I'm not giving away anything Coach related, so don't hold your breath!
I just decided, for funny purposes, to include some pictures of what exactly this so-called accessory closet looks like.
Cute no? Please note the following things: tupperware boxes with shoes inside, shoe rack, hanging belts, scarves & necklaces and, of course, the general air of MESS.
I love it.
Anyways, my pets, stay stylish! The Ditz loves you! xoxo
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Mastering a Holt's Visit: Ditz Style
After today's visit to my heaven haven, I've decided to start compiling my Spring/Summer 2008 NEED list. Notice how I say NEED and not want or wish? That's right. I NEED things. Upcoming list will likely be a separate post. It's going to be long. With pictures.
Let me run off on a tangent quickly. I have items to be added to the THINGS I LIKE list. I don't like going back on posts and adding items, lest people have already read it. I like: Activia vanilla yogurt. A LOT. With granola mixed in. DELICIOUS CENTRAL.
Back on track.
Visiting Holt's is an activity I would ideally like to do daily. I also would love a pet pony, a Marc Jacobs Stam bag, a lifetime supply of French Fries and a personal masseuse. Apparently I can't get everything I want in life. Yet. Today's visit was fortunately/unfortunately brief. Technically. I managed to accomplish plenty in the hour or so that it took for the Kiddo to decide she didn't want much at Tiffany's. Shocker, right? Are she and I really related? The good thing about this visit was that I got to try on assorted pieces at Tiffany's. The bad thing was that I came out empty handed, and wasn't able to really walk around the store, because I was albatrossed by the Matriarch, the Bubbs and the Kiddo. Kiddo particularly. She likes to touch things that are expensive and not meant to be touched. Then again, I do the same thing. DETAILS! I was, however, permitted to have little escapades into the costume jewelry area, the handbags/sunglasses and a quick zip up to contemporary clothing & shoes. I actually pissed off the perfume sample cows who were lurking around the Tiffany's counters. NO, I DON'T WANT YOU TO SPRAY ME WITH THOSE PERFUMES. NO, I DON'T WANT A SAMPLE. NO, I'M NOT BUYING ANYTHING TODAY. The cows made some snarky remarks when I zipped by them without making eye contact and refusing samples. I SWEAR I was polite. "Non, merci. Je m'excuse." THAT'S POLITE. I didn't bark at them, I was quiet and polite. There were THREE of them standing together. THREE. THAT'S BORDERLINE ABUSE.
Dear Holt Renfrew,
KEEP THOSE PERFUME HAWKERS AWAY FROM ME.
Love, your biggest fan, Miss Ditz.
P.S. Are you hiring? I love discounts.
Get ready for my 2008 Spring NEED List!
Stay stylish kittens!
xoxo
Let me run off on a tangent quickly. I have items to be added to the THINGS I LIKE list. I don't like going back on posts and adding items, lest people have already read it. I like: Activia vanilla yogurt. A LOT. With granola mixed in. DELICIOUS CENTRAL.
Back on track.
Visiting Holt's is an activity I would ideally like to do daily. I also would love a pet pony, a Marc Jacobs Stam bag, a lifetime supply of French Fries and a personal masseuse. Apparently I can't get everything I want in life. Yet. Today's visit was fortunately/unfortunately brief. Technically. I managed to accomplish plenty in the hour or so that it took for the Kiddo to decide she didn't want much at Tiffany's. Shocker, right? Are she and I really related? The good thing about this visit was that I got to try on assorted pieces at Tiffany's. The bad thing was that I came out empty handed, and wasn't able to really walk around the store, because I was albatrossed by the Matriarch, the Bubbs and the Kiddo. Kiddo particularly. She likes to touch things that are expensive and not meant to be touched. Then again, I do the same thing. DETAILS! I was, however, permitted to have little escapades into the costume jewelry area, the handbags/sunglasses and a quick zip up to contemporary clothing & shoes. I actually pissed off the perfume sample cows who were lurking around the Tiffany's counters. NO, I DON'T WANT YOU TO SPRAY ME WITH THOSE PERFUMES. NO, I DON'T WANT A SAMPLE. NO, I'M NOT BUYING ANYTHING TODAY. The cows made some snarky remarks when I zipped by them without making eye contact and refusing samples. I SWEAR I was polite. "Non, merci. Je m'excuse." THAT'S POLITE. I didn't bark at them, I was quiet and polite. There were THREE of them standing together. THREE. THAT'S BORDERLINE ABUSE.
Dear Holt Renfrew,
KEEP THOSE PERFUME HAWKERS AWAY FROM ME.
Love, your biggest fan, Miss Ditz.
P.S. Are you hiring? I love discounts.
Get ready for my 2008 Spring NEED List!
Stay stylish kittens!
xoxo
Friday, April 4, 2008
Things I Like/Hate (Today, Maybe Not Tomorrow)
I really love making lists. Maybe I'm mistaken, but I think you all love lists too.
Things I like:
Things I like:
- Mandy's salads (This coming from the McDonald's girl). My combo of choice is what I call Squishy & Crunchy. Mostly squishy though.
- Vintage purse acquisitions from the Bubbs (large mother of pearl clutch with chain & matching compact).
- Bronzage and looking mostly orange, when it is obviously not natural tanning weather.
- Peacock hairclips (STILL NOT OVER IT).
- Nick the tailor, or should I say, Nick the MAGICIAN. He managed to take a semi-nice dress and make it look PHENOMENAL. For the Bas-Misvah, naturally.
- My dry-cleaners. HE is a magician. He managed to get rid of suspicious looking mysterious unknown stains.
- Hot rollers & the art of making JBF hair, which I am slowly mastering.
- The Office, particularly Toby Flenderson. TOBY WINS! (When is it coming back? I miss new episodes.)
- Fruit salads that have been sitting in the same bowl for too long. Why? Because all fruits inside then taste the same, but with different TEXTURES. I like TEXTURES!
- 2 words: Dolly. Parton. (Country Diva extraordinaire. Her cover of Drive Me Crazy? AHH-MAZING)
- MAC Fluidline. Best $30 I didn't spend. I don't think I can ever go back to pencils.
Things I don't like:
- Snow, slush, snowy slush, slushy snow, ANY COMBINATION OF THESE WORDS.
- Talking on speakerphone in my car.
- The smell of my tanning lotion (Mystique is mostly foul, but better than Chocolate Indulgence) (both are fairly revolting).
- Slow drivers who opt out of cleaning off their rear window.
- Wet Uggs (especially sockless wet Uggs. Extra revolting, extra wet).
- My cordless phone. Rings sometimes, usually tempermental.
- Leggings with SHORT SHIRTS that expose your tussy. I don't care how many times you did Buns of Steel last week. I don't care how fantastic your tussy is. IT LOOKS AWKWARD. WEAR A LONG TOP.
- Boys who feel it's necessary to casually graze their fingers inside their lady-friends' asscracks while waiting in line at a gas station. We get it. You think she's hot. Her asscrack isn't. It likely smells like poo or farts, therefore, your fingers do too. (How vulgar/vile was that? True story. Obviously)
That's it. For today. Tomorrow I might like everything on my hate list, except for the last two points. I will never EVER like those. EVER. I can promise you that.
Stay stylish kittens!
xoxo
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Skewed Priorities, or How To Rock Presentations
Before I venture into today's topic of conversation, I'd like to acknowledge & give thanks to the ONE person who left an anonymous comment on one of my blogs. TOO BAD YOU DIDN'T LEAVE A NAME, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE! How I wish I did! I have my suspicions, but then again, it could be someone completely random. Doubtful. Anyway, whoever you are, I love you. A LOT.
So, onto Ditz's daily trials and tribulations, also known as the Ditz has skewed priorities.
(I usually say SKEWERED, but people have informed me that skewering means putting things on a skewer, brochette styles. I thought I was just being cute. Guess not.)
Here's a numbered list (how I love lists!) of the necessary steps needed to rock oral presentations, and, concurrently have the worst priorities on the face of the earth:
So, onto Ditz's daily trials and tribulations, also known as the Ditz has skewed priorities.
(I usually say SKEWERED, but people have informed me that skewering means putting things on a skewer, brochette styles. I thought I was just being cute. Guess not.)
Here's a numbered list (how I love lists!) of the necessary steps needed to rock oral presentations, and, concurrently have the worst priorities on the face of the earth:
- Instead of reviewing PowerPoint slides made by your team, read Perez Hilton.
- 2-3 hours prior to presentation, briefly glance at slides. Change some grammar, add some capitals, send back to group renamed so it looks like you did something.
- Remember: appearance is everything.
- Take a lengthy shower.
- Spend a sufficient amount of time in front of the mirror, mentally deciding on what outfit is the most "respectable".
- Decide respectable is not the way to go. Locate blouses that can't button up around chest area.
- Focus a solid 30 minutes on hair. Blow dry straight, then set in hot rollers.
- Finish a can of hairspray. See #3.
- While hair sets, realize that you're running out of time, and decide to go print out your PowerPoint slides. Notice extra spelling mistakes. Do nothing about them. Ignore stupid windows telling you that the ink is low. That is not your problem today.
- Change outfit 15 times. See #3.
- Realize you look more ready to pick up men than present a sales management presentation. Pat yourself on the back.
- Opt for 4 inch stilettos instead of respectable 2 inch heels. See #3.
- Realize you haven't gone over your notes in a few days. Do nothing.
- Ignore the fact that you were supposed to meet your group an hour before class to practice. DIVAS DON'T NEED TO PRACTICE.
- Saunter into class 5 minutes before presentations begin. Make an entrance. Ungraciously accept compliments from a bitchy girl in the class who you normally ignore.
- When it's time for your part in the presentation, make sure you stand away from the rest of the group so all eyes are on you. Use your projecting voice. Be gracious and delicious, see #3.
So, what's the moral of the story here? Appearance is everything. I'd rather look good (read: hot) for a presentation than be legitimately prepared. Before you all go off and take my advice to heart, let me just clarify some things: I was completely well-versed in our topic. I am a champion bullshitter and fantastic at oral presentations. Chill on the innuendo jokes here, okay? I've heard them all! I essentially rocked a presentation with minimal effort on the work side.
Anyways, kittens, I think I have to be honest with you. Fashionista extraordinaire, the style vixen herself, miss AnecDitz, did a TEENSY faux-pas ce soir. She wore midnight blue dress pants with black heels. I KNOW, I KNOW. TOTALLY HORRIBLE AND WRONG. Considering how many pairs of shoes I own (today's in-room count: approximately 35. This number does not include the dozens that live in the garage, front closet, vestibule and my trunk.), you'd think that I have a pair of shoes to match midnight blue pants. I do. Technically. Just not ones with closed toe.
Note to self: next time Brown's has a major sale, pick up brown or navy closed-toe pumps. Preferably Michael Kors or Marc Jacobs, but I'm not choosy!
Anyways, my pets, tomorrow potentially brings a field trip to one of my favorite places: Holt Renfrew. I'm SURE I'll have plenty to say about THAT excursion!
Stay stylish!
xoxo
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
I know I shouldn't be advertising, but...
I AM IN LOVE. WITH THE MAN AT THE GAP.
He called me this morning, to tell me that the doors open at 9:30 a.m. because PIERRE HARDY SHOES ARE IN.
I KNOW I shouldn't advertise that the shoes are in. I know I should only post this AFTER I've checked them out myself. BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. I'M SO EXCITED, AND EXCITEMENT IS CONTAGIOUS.
Don't you all love when my finger gets stuck on the caps lock key?
Seriously, more on this once I've seen these shoes, but LET IT BE KNOWN: PIERRE HARDY SHOES FOR THE GAP ARE IN MONTREAL!
(Did I mention that they're all really reasonably priced?)
Stay Stylish my pets!
xoxo
He called me this morning, to tell me that the doors open at 9:30 a.m. because PIERRE HARDY SHOES ARE IN.
I KNOW I shouldn't advertise that the shoes are in. I know I should only post this AFTER I've checked them out myself. BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. I'M SO EXCITED, AND EXCITEMENT IS CONTAGIOUS.
Don't you all love when my finger gets stuck on the caps lock key?
Seriously, more on this once I've seen these shoes, but LET IT BE KNOWN: PIERRE HARDY SHOES FOR THE GAP ARE IN MONTREAL!
(Did I mention that they're all really reasonably priced?)
Stay Stylish my pets!
xoxo
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Speechless, For a Change
I seriously hope this is the Gazette's version of a funny April Fool's Day trick. I seriously hope that they just happen to have a SICK sense of humor.
PARIS HILTON will be at Brown's on St. Catherine this Saturday, from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m., promoting her new line of SHOES.
I don't even know what to say about this. Does Paris even wear her own shoes? Do they manufacture them in her size? Pop Quiz: what size shoe does Paris Hilton wear? SIZE 11.
Since Paris Hilton is "capable" of "designing" shoes, does this mean I can have my own line of cardigans? I like cardigans. Somebody feel like sponsoring my up-and-coming line?
That being said, who wants to camp out outside of Brown's to meet & greet with PARIS? YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO! I'll bring the coffee!
Stay Stylish!
xoxo
PARIS HILTON will be at Brown's on St. Catherine this Saturday, from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m., promoting her new line of SHOES.
I don't even know what to say about this. Does Paris even wear her own shoes? Do they manufacture them in her size? Pop Quiz: what size shoe does Paris Hilton wear? SIZE 11.
Since Paris Hilton is "capable" of "designing" shoes, does this mean I can have my own line of cardigans? I like cardigans. Somebody feel like sponsoring my up-and-coming line?
That being said, who wants to camp out outside of Brown's to meet & greet with PARIS? YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO! I'll bring the coffee!
Stay Stylish!
xoxo
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